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Tamil Software
அழகி மென்பொருள்
  
Tamil-English bilingual webmagazine dedicated to education of the masses through E-books, articles, worldwide informations, Slideshows,
Presentations on various subjects, photographs and images, moral and objective oriented stories and Lectures including audio and video

JOKES FOR THE WEEK

Courtesy: AVR, Chennai

Tale of Two cities& Twins !!!

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, my wife was reading a tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins

Thats funny, the second man remarked, my wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to triplets The third man shouted, Good God, I have to rush home!

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves!!!

We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up

Are we Over the Border yet ?" !!!

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer,

Is there a problem, Officer?"

No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think youre going to do with the money?

The driver thought for a minute and said, Well, I guess Ill go get that drivers license. The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, Oh, dont pay attention to him hes a smart butt when hes drunk and stoned. The guy from the back seat said, I TOLD you guys we wouldnt get far in a stolen car!

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, Are we over the border yet?

Can i Get a New Attorney ? !!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Hes 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS:All of them.The live ones put up too much of a fight. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? ATTORNEY: What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. And finally the best ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Earnings from a donkey A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, Ben drove up and said, Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.

Well, then, just give me the money back, said Jean Paul Cant do that. I went and spent it already. Replied Ben OK, then. Just unload the donkey, said Jean Paul.

What ya going to do with him? asked Ben.

Im going to raffle him off, said Jean Paul.

You cant raffle off a dead donkey! uttered Ben.

Sure can. Watch me. I just wont tell that hes dead, said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, What happened with that dead donkey?

I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apieceand made a profit of $898, said Jean Paul.

Didnt anyone complain? inquired Ben.

Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back, said Jean Paul.

Do you believe in life after death?

Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees.

Yes, sir, the clerk replied.

Thats good, the boss said. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral, she stepped in to see you.

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